non-depressing

Sun licks the grass

as the melodies of Ani float in the apartment.. distant memories of the past and giggles flow through the room with ease and I cant help but try to push these awful memories aside.

the ground below me is brown, like dirt but hardened wood that creaks beneath my toes.

the hush of water pours onto the plates,clink clink goes the dishes.

a strum interrupts this sound and a car zooms past my window.

Each strum flickering with the assurance of the finger tips of its owner.

As rhythmic as breath

as romantic as hand holding

the lips of this poetic owner are wetted

with the pangs of a cramp

itching and stretching out each menstrual awakening

Each Day in and Night out

each uncomfortable switch;

each heat wave that slips between her legs and over her half exposed chest.

tongue laps at what little moisture is left on her lips;

and she's there.

we are there; here on this hot hot hill.

melting

reforming

bathing in cold laps of water just to forget

summer of 09.

comfort food;

So im watching a cymbalta commercial because I really wanted to watch stargate.

dont judge me..

but I'm beginning to notice when I do get sad.. my comfort foods are salsa,chips and frijoles.

Yeah... thats how hispanic I am. Or with the absence of it I eat it so Its almost like im at home.. and Mama's in the kitchen.

My how nostalgic;i'll update later tonight before I go to bed.

Real Quick

My energy level is pretty much shot.

I havent been going to bed this week anytime before 1... because for some reason in my little illogical brain I dont see the point in going to bed so "early."

Yeah, School starts monday.

I feel like that phrase has left my lips WAY to many times (or even fingertips..) and im really dreading it. Not just because my ex still goes there (for now..) but because another kid is re-picking up his education.

So..the number of people that im cool with are being outnumbered by people that just irritate me or frighten me.

Its bad enough wax face kid is still lurking some where.

I know this sounds incredibly mean, but im starting to have little to no patience for anyone anymore. Namely the people that look like they're going to eat me.

and not in the good way..

At the moment im listening to boom boom pow, it reminds me alot of ang because we used to joke about the awful formulated lyrics. Some of my really good AIS buddies are gone..

I know no one's going to hold my hand but its getting a little difficult fending for myself in north campus and avoiding (As much as I can.) the awkwardness that is my life.

Oh well.. not nearly as interesting i'll post more later.

You belong to the sea

No matter;
the sun kisses my lips.
it melts my skin
spreading a new coat across it

hindering any negative thought.
Beautiful isnt it.
the way the ocean twinkles
grasping the clouds reflection
Each memory flutters noisily in my brain
the fairie fuddles across the ocean
taking my heart with it
the laughter of children fills
the air with a type of warmth
so foreign to me
so refreshing to hear their tiny giggles

floating like bubbles in the air
this was my day
admiring
adoring
the hum of traffic
almost but not quite.
by the sea.

- unplugged
a day at the hobo park
no ipod in.. feels good to relax.

If I could never hear ______ again

after a good ol fashioned cry

bethany and I meandered on down to the hurricane for some comfort food.. and I came up with the idea.. of things you'd never want to hear again...that you'd be okay with..
so it goes something like this
"If i could never hear _______ ever again , i'd be okay with that."

and with that said... we made a list.


1. "i could never be vegan... i couldn't live without cheese. im addicted to cheese! man i love cheese! how could you live without cheese?"

2."I'd tip.. but your coffee is so expensive."

3. "Man the things i'd do to your room mate.." FROM ANYONE that'd be great.

4. our down stairs neighbors having sex.

5. "I like your big funky booty."

6. the dubbed vs.subtitled anime argument EVER AGAIN.

7. "Sorry I didn't call back but..."

8. rap vs. rock argument

9. "You'd be so pretty if.."

10. "does your lip hurt?" from old men.

11. "I didn't think massage school would be that hard.."

12. "I'm just not a 2D person.." from an animation student.

13. "I cant draw" from an animation student.

14. "ITS PERSPECTIVE" when its just really badly drawn.

15. "I couldn't think of a concept.." from a graphic design student when they just didn't do their homework.

16. "Could you spare a dime?" when im already 70 thou in the whole from Art college kthxbye. (and its from a street kid... WHY ARE YOU WEARING URBAN OUTFITTERS!?)

17. "I didn't recieve your text.."

18. any world of warcraft argument...ever,ever,ever,

ever,ever again.

19. "ew you're catholic?"

20. the yappy dogs on the first floor. no thanks.

21. the new petshop boys album on a loop.

22. "You want to make a career out of drawing cartoons?"

23. not hearing shitty bass coming out of cars

24. never hearing another nickelback song ever again.

25. seeing Hey Monday! in concert.

26. purse dogs pissing on the floors at borders

27. women not yelling at their kids in public

28. skinny women talking about how much more weight they need to lose

29. people who talk about going snowboarding at mt. baker during the peak snow seasons

30. after hearing that bethany's from montana "Oh, so you ride horses to school?"

31. not seeing another movie with ben affleck and matt damon in it.
-----
Yep there is room for more.
Vent and add on at the bottom.
Thanks guys! (we thought of so many more.)

A Letter home **Angry becca time**

******DISCLAIMER**********

So this feeling is passing, im not saying any issues are really resolved.
but at the beginning of this quarter is was alot of angry.
Shady shit is still going down with my step family and i have a place to vent.
so read with caution... and yeah... i get angry.
for now, im at peace with my demons.

ciao.
(and thank you for caring.)




i could pour my heart out to you but i dont think that would make much of a difference
I could replace you and pretend that it never happened but that wouldn't change much
i could sleep with every other man hoping to regain some type of sick reminiscent of a father figure but i wont
I could scream at you but you wouldn't hear me
i could cry but your darling step niece would only laugh at me and say "I win."
but she hasnt.
she cant steal the rocha name
the rocha family.
If i could i would be cruel and cast you out of my life
but i havent
you've been near death so many times
and its hard to believe i still fall for it
you have lied to me so many times
and i have been such a fool to believe you were ever super man
you fucking omnipresent of a goddamn father figure
you and my mother are both in the same boat
you both depend on me to keep this fucking family together
to make sure that we dont kill one another so here goes
thank you for showing me what normality was
and then completely topsy turvying it
thank you for making me believe for one second that i had my life back
when its clear i dont
thank you for getting me into college but never planning out anything financially
thank you for letting me swallow myself up in loans
and blaming you
and blaming me.
thank you for falling to pieces when shit goes awry.
Thank you for letting me lose my family at 15.
for not working shit out and acting out on your emotions

Thank you for letting a parasite into our home.
Thank you for crying over me and doing nothing
for abandoning me
and then hushing me when i cry so that for one second i believe you were actually like a father.
for bringing so much hatred, manipulation and lies into our home and into my heart.
Thank you for making me hate you just as much as i love you
and for giving me some warped sense of reality that anything will ever be the same again.
oh and most of all
thank you for never ever reading any of my poetry, looking at any of my art and actually giving a shit
because you dont
because your actions are louder
than your well thought out
and manipulative words.
drown in your fucking family.
fatten up your fucking toddler
sweeten up your toxic relationships.

here i leave you with my last shred of hope;
and the belief i ever had in a God.
fuck that.
fuck all of it.

Let me not be apart of this stupid game any longer.
I was going to give up on you when mom left
I SHOULD of given up then.
BYE.

its about time;

I've been posting long (ish) blogs on myspace (now deleted.) and facebook for quite some time. I figured it has a place.. and it wasn't in either of those websites so here we go..
for the narcisistic in all of us; i suppose. My favorite thing to do is to post poetry as well as fiction randomly in sections of my blogs and it might be a bit off putting but here is to trying something new.

I pride myself in being a bit of a minimalist. Its all in the context of the writing.
So here's to a new blog and a new deviant art. (its only half a year old!)

So without further ado,
let me tell you a little about myself.

I'm 22
I reside in seattle.
I have been writing since i was 15, mostly nonfiction/horror and being of course that I am female.. romance.

I write when im bored, or when im happy.. and especially when im sad but hoping to capture all the facets of why I am the way I am and maybe/hopefully someone else will later read and relate.

Here's to hoping.
Alright super lame for my first blog but I feel as though I'm in an interview.
More notsolame posts later!

- Bex