A Letter home **Angry becca time**

******DISCLAIMER**********

So this feeling is passing, im not saying any issues are really resolved.
but at the beginning of this quarter is was alot of angry.
Shady shit is still going down with my step family and i have a place to vent.
so read with caution... and yeah... i get angry.
for now, im at peace with my demons.

ciao.
(and thank you for caring.)




i could pour my heart out to you but i dont think that would make much of a difference
I could replace you and pretend that it never happened but that wouldn't change much
i could sleep with every other man hoping to regain some type of sick reminiscent of a father figure but i wont
I could scream at you but you wouldn't hear me
i could cry but your darling step niece would only laugh at me and say "I win."
but she hasnt.
she cant steal the rocha name
the rocha family.
If i could i would be cruel and cast you out of my life
but i havent
you've been near death so many times
and its hard to believe i still fall for it
you have lied to me so many times
and i have been such a fool to believe you were ever super man
you fucking omnipresent of a goddamn father figure
you and my mother are both in the same boat
you both depend on me to keep this fucking family together
to make sure that we dont kill one another so here goes
thank you for showing me what normality was
and then completely topsy turvying it
thank you for making me believe for one second that i had my life back
when its clear i dont
thank you for getting me into college but never planning out anything financially
thank you for letting me swallow myself up in loans
and blaming you
and blaming me.
thank you for falling to pieces when shit goes awry.
Thank you for letting me lose my family at 15.
for not working shit out and acting out on your emotions

Thank you for letting a parasite into our home.
Thank you for crying over me and doing nothing
for abandoning me
and then hushing me when i cry so that for one second i believe you were actually like a father.
for bringing so much hatred, manipulation and lies into our home and into my heart.
Thank you for making me hate you just as much as i love you
and for giving me some warped sense of reality that anything will ever be the same again.
oh and most of all
thank you for never ever reading any of my poetry, looking at any of my art and actually giving a shit
because you dont
because your actions are louder
than your well thought out
and manipulative words.
drown in your fucking family.
fatten up your fucking toddler
sweeten up your toxic relationships.

here i leave you with my last shred of hope;
and the belief i ever had in a God.
fuck that.
fuck all of it.

Let me not be apart of this stupid game any longer.
I was going to give up on you when mom left
I SHOULD of given up then.
BYE.