Lent Day 22: Anime gluttony and small panic

After 5 episodes of filler Trigun episodes and 2 episodes of FUMOFFU curiosity got the best of me and I had to check out when lent was over.

Easter doesn't come around til the 24th of April and I had a slight heart attack.

luckily the extra 6 days doesn't really count towards lent so .. I didn't have to worry.

April 24th I come back to Society.

I'm sort of counting down-- its spring break and thats given me ample time to over think everything. Namely where I'm headed as far as art is concerned. Truth is I havent been able to draw in ages (well I have time now,yes.) Storyboard or even go over the human anatomy in such a long time I think today will be dedicated to what I used to do. Sketch on my own.

Some of my finals I was able to post on my tumblr: in which I try to keep my journal-y side off and mostly post 3d and on occassion 2d works. I'm still in the process of getting portfolio type things up but thats all in due time. If you'd like to check that out its HERE

My teensy pride and joy.

I had a bit of a burn out because I realized that I was way ahead, my grandma pointed out that Easter wasn't until the end of April and I was already at day "26" here on my blog posts. Boy, I knew I was never quite good at math but this just takes the cake.

I'm off to feed myself and head over to Shanda's for a jersey shore reunion party. This should definitely be interesting!

7 more days to go til my 30 day mark!

Holy Cow.

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Lent Day 19: How long has it been ?

I am kind of anxious to reach my thirty day mark. I've been working the past couple of days and trying to get my head right. Finals are now a distant memory (sort of) but as far as recovering I still have quite some time for that. Lately its been brought to my attention that a certain member of my family was questioning his position in his place in Catholicism. Though he had every right too I felt like once again things I thought I knew are being pulled out from under me. In truth: my baby brother cannot be baptized because my parents were not married by the church. There is nothing I can do but I have to admit I am a bit disappointed in the church, despite rules why not welcome an innocent to the church? Of all things that little man needs guidance, God and family. Even if most of the time he'll only be getting two of those things. Lord, help me. Aside from that I had the amazing chance to hang around some of the staff here at my job outside of work. As I suspected they are amazing people, they work their asses of and I have not heard myself laugh that hard in ages. They warmed my heart with their kindness. Even with a shit week I feel blessed.

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Day 18:Footloose

Spring break isnt too terrible as of todayb hopefully come wednesday Ill have slept in past noon and do something fun. This week I have nothing but work. Which is still a job but for my paycheck great, for my health a teensy bit depleting. I can safely say I'm exhausted. Whine.whine my feet hurt.

So anyway--today I bought a candle with mary on its. I never really felt drawn to any saints quite like my father has, maybe raphael for healing but for myself since my mother was never quite there. So i grasped onto that idea of the eternal mother. It might seem dumb or sad to someone outside the little realm that i have but its my place of solace or sanctity.

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Day 17: space time contiuum

I sort of miss the ease of going online, seeing all your friends there. Even the ones you dont talk directly to and knowing you could.
I miss the deliciousness of knowing i could refresh a page a thousand times with no judgement.
Out of it all, i miss having days off. Straight out of spring break I have to work. Im so exhausted but two days after this Ill at least have a day to myself.

Blessed be.

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Lent Day 16: Guardian Angels

During finals I always go through these phases of calm, serene and then inevitably irritable, cranky and pissed.

Everything tends to come into my palms during finals week--gasping for air to finish and then ultimately feeling like the world has suddenly gotten too tiny.
It's all little things and they always add up until I sort of feel like I'm gunna end up snapping on the most ridiculous thing-- because im a Gemini/Crazy.

On a positive note I got to talk to my Dad for more than .05 seconds on the phone.
My baby brother misses me and yet still I want absolutely nothing to do with a certain portion of my "Extended" Parasitic life.
It makes me seethe a bit to know i'll always be attached to that.

All of my finals are finished and turned in.
I am here for my team mates solely because if they're gunna have to sit here and render so do I.

Today is not going to end anytime soon being that Later in the evening I have to work until 1 am.

It's just gunna suck..When I go home I just want to sleep.


That's all I want.

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Lent Day 15: While you were rendering

I somehow made it to my half way mark,

it sort of snuck up on me and on a friday no less.

I suppose like any other sap I should be reflecting on what i've learned; To be honest it has been quite a bit. My reliance on anything other than my phone and my voice as a social crutch has got to stop. There are other more reliable ways to get a hold of people and to express myself.

I have to quit running away from my responsibilities especially if they're on the computer. Happy fun time can wait if there is a project due. I've never been bad about playing games when I have finals but the best lesson I think i've learned thus far is giving myself more time to sleep or rest. Which oddly enough has plenty to do with having an all access pass to everybody's "Bizness" online. If I'm tired, if my body has had enough what is the point of checking status updates when I could be spending that time resting? Or better yet having that energy to wake up the next day so I can actually do something with my life prior to class. Like all good things sometimes we need a break and I think mentally its what I needed.

I would be sort of a liar if I said that in my 23 years I havent made an enemy or two (believe me I have. ) but being able to a.) not see any posts related to my step family and b.) not giving a good hot DAMN has given me incentive not to meddle and at least blanketed my eyes when I'm going through enough stress as-is. Point being; I worry about what doesn't concern me and in a way being able to take a step back from a social network that isn't so "social." has helped me refocus on myself before I got sick.

*As I've mentioned Facebook wasn't the problem I was.

I was :

- facebook stalking exes

- stalking my exes gfs

- stalking my exes potential gfs

- people I dont even talk to

- looking at people im not even friends with

- checking out profiles of people I clearly dislike

and then it occured to me. WHY? why am I doing this ? There's no point to it and its not like its making me feel good. It's making me feel like a sneaky sneak with nothing else to do.

Bump that! I've got this beautiful life to live with sunshine and mother fucking rainbows.

In a way its nice to know its still there.

but in a way its tempting, my finger reflex is still aching to press "f" but I can wait on it. I got twenty days to go and more time for me. After Saturday I will officially be on a week's worth of break for moi! That means tons of hang out time, tons of getting taken care of time and tons of no-eating-meat-on-friday times.

Aside from giving up cursing I dont remember if i've ever been this dedicated to giving up something. Feels like a giant purge from being so reliant on one thing.

So regardless of how much caffeine i've been having because of finals I still feel sane, less stressed and a tad bit hungry.

(K.P. promised an Omelette.)

All my love,

Rabs

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Lent Day 14 : Finals day

Dear school wifi,
You for realsies make me want to rip my hair out. For neither can I use you for my mac nor my droid.
WHAT do you want from me? My rigging final is here and all i need to do is animate. Sitch, i am so jittery. I got here an hour later than i intended to, my body would not let me get up and start the day.
I read a news article on ten millionairs under twenty five and sort of blipped through it in envy. 80 percent of it was small businesses that flourished. I dont have that empire state of mind yet and im almost 24.
Crap. Its only thursday..friday and saturday are just going to rail me. Lucky for me i get to work til one am saturday.
Goody.
I cant even go to portfolio to say goodbye to some friends who have been here since I have. Suckage. It looked like it would be a good one too.
Today looks like it will be an all nighter. Yahoo!
Pray for me. I really do thing that this is the calmest ive ever been during a final. Heh.


Other than random fb thoughts-- i keep having dreams about storms. A couple weeks ago I had this one that terrified me. Three funnel clouds formed and were heading my way, I was in a jeep heading for it as well. Now if that aint some twister shit i dont know what is?

Also, i nearly typed in facebook in my web browser but stopped. Its weird to think that reflex is still there. I might just extend my absence. Who knows? (Smelled like an empty threat.)

My grandma is lighting a candle for me today, my aunt has given me some crazy support. Lord knows, finals are like the emotions you get taking a pregnancy test. Gah!

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