Anew

I dont know what my fascinations with semicolons stemmed from.
Mostly likely from freewriting stories and not paying as much attention to proper grammar and even times at spelling, at my leisure I would create capitals where there needn't be and write ridiculous characters to keep myself entertained. I'd spend 6-8 hours inside with my autistic brother and I'd let him watch all the cartoons he'd want, we'd go outside and play and then at night i'd make him the best dinner I could. I was only 15 but spaghettios seemed to suit him just fine.

We were lonely but we had each other. These memories pass me from time to time when I see a family of people like mine were. One special kid that always stood out and the people that stood around him adoring him and showing him things that his mind would happily process differently.
God knows how much I miss that but relatively my patience level has dimmed down significantly. I've yelled and screamed at my brother more than once for some of the horrific eating and bathroom habits he adapted to while he was in public school, the temper of my mother would rise and we'd get into fights. Yelling fights at first and then harmless fights of succumbing to a world where we had no mother and virtually no father.
My father on a good day works from 5am until late at night.
Even prior to that he had been in the hospital, his kidneys were failing him and because of that we were refused entry into the hospital. My father couldn't let us see him in his slightly less powerful state and so we spent a christmas together with my mother at the time who took pity on us.

She bought me a collection set to do my nails with.
Our tree was little. It cost maybe 5 dollars at walmart because we bought it the day off.
We decorated it with popcorn and string. I cried a little bit, taking the set she bought me. It wasn't wrapped because we couldn't afford it...yet at least we were together.

"Dont tell Dad I didn't get twinkie food."

Those words still haunt me a little bit and even when I would slowly let someone in on what's going on it would freak them out. I dont really blame them, why the hell would you want to get involved with someone who doesn't have the ample happy family life like you do? What will the neighbours say?

"You might want to see someone about that.." He murmured at me not really quite wanting to hear or listen to what I had to say.

I dont gush about my situation but I guess I use it as a means to air out what has been sort of circumventing in my head.

Gregory has been one of my few hopes, he is one of my first and best cousins. He's always listened given sound advice and high fived me through the trials and tribs. He told me that I was pretty sane for someone who had been through hell and I laughed. I had never thought of it that way until he pointed it out.

I'm blessed for the family I do have; for the words I have heard from loved ones, families, friends and even the few purrs from my Cat.

I think I went off on a tangent..
Today was the beginning of a new type of job for me. One where I dont have my life and wish the day was over. One where I actually feel productive and turn things IN.

Week 5 is my turn around week and I might have to stop doing some of the amazing social things I have been and return my focus on portfolio quality work and not letting down my teachers.

Wish me luck.

- Bex